i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
