I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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