I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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