I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
