Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you will always have a special place in my vag
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
