The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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