apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
