im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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