New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
