I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize