oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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