omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize