So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
