Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
