I need help removing her.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
