During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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