Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
birth control should be required to get into college
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
