I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
