She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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