I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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