I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
