He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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