I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
