I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
