it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
