fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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