It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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