i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: donโt get cum on anything!
Youโve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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