He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
