My pussy is not your playground.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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