It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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