at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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