I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
