We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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