im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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