He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
