He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
