Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I will pee on everything he values.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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