I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
