it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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