Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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