If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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