um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
