fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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