I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
