Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
