I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
we should paint friendship bongs
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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