"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
