i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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