There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i believe in u and ur pee
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