he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
