I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
