I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
