just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
