Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
