she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
