Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
