So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
