STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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