I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
