I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
