That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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