my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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