Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
