either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
