Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
