Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Two words: blizzard sex
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
