He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
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i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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