he shaved USA in his pubs
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
