i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
