i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
