sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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