8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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