A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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