This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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