i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
How's work?
Spinning.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
