Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
