doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
