i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
