good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
