apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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