I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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