chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
