Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
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Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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