WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
