Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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