my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Can I color on your dick again?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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