Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
